Thursday, July 26, 2012

Bitches be mad!

It's just the truth! Bitches are always mad; they are like liberals. So, I've been dating this girl for a few weeks now. She isn't my usual type since she is classy, successful, and generally doesn't look like a stripper. What can I say, I love trashy women? We all know why! Anyways, we had plans this weekend which she wanted to change. Some shit came up with one of her friends and so she wanted to hang out on Friday night. Well, I'm busy all day Friday and don't plan to be in town. For anybody interested I'm going to meet with some folks about a new exciting and horrible paying job. I tell this woman that and I get chewed out because I'm not flexible enough, which is of course total bullshit. It took everything I had to not tell her, "bitch we've been dating for just a few weeks, your tits are awesome but I'm not sure I want to deal with this". I didn't say it by the way but goddamn if I didn't think it. So now we've established that she is mad, has nice tits, and Roti is annoyed. Moving on! So after the thorough ass chewing, after which I felt like I needed to check my o-ring, I called her back and offered a peace offering. I told her that I'd drive home tomorrow night and take her out to dinner and after that we'll go to the beach for a few days or to Biloxi. I'm a nice guy what can I say? Well that was a giant mistake. She tore into me again about how now I ain't considerate because her friend is having issues. It probably didn't help to settle the situation down when I asked her, "what did his boyfriend break up with him?" Oh no! I then got, "you're an ass hole sometimes, he isn't gay." I know she couldn't have said that with a straight face. The dude in question is about as tough as a ham sandwich soaked in dog piss. He has more hair products than a Beverly Hills stylist and drives a Bug, sorry Westys. Continung on, the situation soon deteriorated further. Very calmly I laughed and said, "so what's his issues this time" to which she replied "he's having some kind of trouble with himself, he's upset about his life in general", so then Roti says, "is it masculinity issues again", to which tits retorts, "I have no idea" then Roti laid down the wood saying "it probably is, I mean it's hard to think of yourself as very masculine with a dick in your mouth." The sound of a phone hanging up filled the car! The morale of the story is twofold, I'm a real ass hole and I'm probably looking for a new pair of tits to play with. Anybody want to go to Biloxi? On a side note, fuck the police.

10 comments:

RedChocobo said...

Epic post, I'm sitting here at my desk at work trying so hard not to laugh out loud this whole post and then I get to "think of yourself as very masculine with a dick in your mouth" and I basically had to stick my hand in my mouth and bite it to keep from epic laugh attack.

So anyways, my hand is a chew toy now. I'll send you the bill.

Anonymous said...

Love this story!!!

-Matt609

Anonymous said...

I am really grateful I live no where near MS at this time. Your utter immaturity and objectification of women offends me deeply. I sincerely hope you don't kiss your mother with that mouth.

Sok-Eye

RoTiCaFo said...

I'm not in Mississippi either...

But don't worry doll, I probably wouldn't fuck you anyways.

westys said...

She sounds perfect for you, RoTi.

Anonymous said...

Please! Not if he were the last guy on Earth. He makes my ex seem like a classy guy.

Machine said...

Honestly, I probably would've done the same, the rescheduling at least. I dig the humor as well. Nothing makes a situation better than making light of it. If I were you, I'd assume she was seeing this "friend."

Unknown said...

I'm guessing this broad is younger than you (wait, I know that she is), and is acting like a brat because Daddy wasn't around enough to spank her whenever she pitched a fit to get the latest toy/dress/phone. If she wants to act like a child, treat her like one...

Machinereplica said...

Jessie is right, she is definitely immature and expects everything to go her way.

RoTiCaFo said...

I'm not worried about it. Friday night we went to dinner and left and spent the day in Gulf Shores Saturday.

If she was seeing somebody else that's fine by me because so am I. This isn't to the point where it's exclusive. I like the girl a lot but I worry about some aspects of her. For one, she can be kind of pushy and she is very high maintenance. However, she did buy my dinner on Friday to say sorry which was good because I was kind of pissed off that she had to go to a really nice steakhouse that night and given the earlier exchange I wasn't too thrilled about the prospects of a $300 dinner.

The dude is definately gay. I wasn't saying that to make fun of him.

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