The Next Mustang

I'm rather surprised with myself that I did not make a post about this sooner, but today I'm going to talk about my feelings regarding the speculation surrounding the next Mustang.  Long story short, I am NOT looking forward to the next Mustang.  The more I hear about it, the more it starts to sound like the next Ford Probe instead of the next Mustang.

From the pictures of the mules, we can probably assume that the next Mustang will not be riding on an all new platform.  Think more like the change from the 93 Mustang to the 94.  The change felt like a big one, but deep down the car was essentially exactly the same as it was.  The mules seem to be strapping independent rear suspension to the D2C chassis.  Using logic, why would one test suspension geometry on a chassis that they plan to retire?  You wouldn't, they are going to keep the D2C chassis.  For a Mustang chassis, the D2C is pretty young anyways.  The Fox platform ran for 14 years before getting updated and running for another 10.  S197 only has 7 years under its belt.  That being said, if it's on the same chassis and yet is going to somehow lose weight that means either the chassis is going to lose ridigity (which a Mustang has none to give) or it's going to be made from more expensive materials.  But really, why does it need to lose weight?  The V6 sits at 3,500 lbs and can still easily run 14.2 and get into the 13s with a decent driver.  The GT sits at 3,600 and easily runs 13s.  Even the big Shelby only sits at 3,800.  It's not a sports car, it's a big 2+2 pony car and frankly it doesn't need to lose any weight.  I can hear you already in your rage through your gritted teeth saying, "But RedChocobo, blah blah blah 2004 Mustang GT 3,300 lbs".  And?  The 2004 had a chassis made of glued together drinking straws.  The 2004 Cobra with it's improved chassis was only slightly lighter than the current GT500 and the Shelby is supposed to be a massive porker.  The current Mustang is pony perfection and is easily the best in class.  The other vehicles aren't even remotely close.  They are so not even close that I won't even refer to them by name.  But suffice to say they are significantly fatter than the Mustang.

So we've established that the Mustang will be on the same chassis and really shouldn't have to lose weight but now it's time to talk about the most infuriating part of the next Mustang: the engines.  Hang on, I just need to get this out of the way...  Fuckshitdammitfuckingshitcochaosmeekrobfuckingshittyfuckbitchassfuck!  There, I'm glad that's done, maybe I can keep some of the more colorful language out of the next part of my post.  In 2011 Ford finally figured out what they needed to do with their engines from the factory.  Not only that, they finally gave the base V6 some balls.  Some Duratec balls that sound like sex while eating fried chicken.  Yes, I like fried chicken, problem?  I also like sex.  I also like the Duratec.  I also like eggs.  But anyways, watch the following Youtube video.  Om nom nom Oh, I just watched it.  Give me a second to clean up.  Anyways, the Duratec is likely the best sounding V6 on the planet and they put it in the Mustang.  It makes a really strong case to not even waste your time with the GT.  Oh, that probably gave you some rage.  Sorry.  The Coyote 5 liter into the Mustang GT was a win, the Duratec 37 into the Mustang V6 was an epic win.  So what does Ford plan to do with the next Mustang?  Add direct injection and push the V6 to 350 horsepower?  Switch to an Ecoboost V6 offering and pull an F-150?  NOPE!  Four cylinder.  You thought the 80s were dead?  Guess again.  Welcome the return of the Fartstang.  I don't care which Ecoboost four you choose from they are all weaker than the non-direct injection V6.  "But it will be lighter RedChocobo!"  NO IT WON'T YOU IDIOT!  SAME PLATFORM!!!!!!!!  Not to mention all that extra hardware and I bet the 2 liter Ecoboost four weighs more than the Duratec 37.  I guess Ford is claiming that the 2 liter Ecoboost they put in the Taurus is 55 lbs lighter (probably dry) than the Duratec 35 that goes in the Taurus but the 2 liter Ecoboost makes 65 less horsepower than the current Duratec in the Mustang.  That seems like an awesome trade off, right?  Leave it to Ford to take a package that nobody can even touch and has GM execs thinking about killing the Cumora again and completely ruin it.  Imagine the taunts from the Gmmies when the four cylinder Mustang hits the streets.  "But at least it will have IRS RedChocobo".  Yeah, I'm sure the first video showing the rear wheels hopping into the fenders will be awesome.  When they slow-mo it, the video will probably look like those ones where the people make the horse sound in slow-mo.

I am not amused.  I have toyed with the idea of purchasing a new Mustang V6.  If I wasn't poorer than poor then I probably would have done so already.  I don't really care for the tone of the new Mustang V8s.  The old Windsor 302, that thing sounded hot.  Daily driving a V8 would get old though.  I'm not buying a four cylinder Mustang and my Mustang obsessed wife wouldn't buy one either.  So Ford, I don't know what's wrong with you.  I'm just going to buy a damn Mazda 6 instead of a Fusion to spite you even if they only put a junky N/A Skyactiv in it.  Good news is that the base Cumora is probably going to have an N/A 2.5 liter so ha!