Trolling: Why It's Awesome

I am a troll.  Not professionally, more like a hobby.  I used to be the kind, soft-spoken person on message boards that was always stating the popular opinion and just trying to fit in.  That is boring.  People don’t go on the Internet to have reasonable conversations, they can do that in real life.  People go on Internet boards to argue anonymously and be fanboys.  But between the arguing fanboys, there needs to be something else: something that can force fanboys to listen to their own weak, tired arguments.  That’s where trolling comes into play.

From the outside, a troll seems like a bad person.  “Why would someone say something they didn’t mean?”  Well, it’s mostly for LOLs, but it also allows a troll to hide what they actually do believe in all of the horseshit and therefore state an unpopular opinion in a humorous way.  Let’s say a thread starts about the FR-BR-GT-POS-S-Z-86, the RWD, underpowered piece of shit that Toyota had Subaru build for them so they could pretend they still know something about sports cars.  I’m going to troll that thread, fact.  But how should I troll that thread?  Going in there and saying, “Your shit is slow and you should feel bad” is mindless flaming, any Internet badass can do that.  However, going in there and comparing the FR-BR-GT-POS-S-Z-86 to a FWD car like the Mazdaspeed 3 is better.  The Mazdaspeed 3 is not only FWD but its faster and handles better, therefore you challenge the fanboys to admit the only reason they consider the car good is because of the driveshaft down the middle of the car.  It also allows me to say I think FWD is better because well, it is.  U mad?  I know you are.  Then they’ll go on about feel and dynamics and ignore the fact that the Mazdaspeed 3 has raep face and is going to town on the FR-BR-GT-POS-S-Z-86.  Then you say the Camry is a better sports car and people start making sock puppets to attack you.  You just proved that the fanboys of the messianic car are irrational idiots.  You win.  Even if you don’t think you won, declare victory anyways.  It’s just about LOLs and mad.  Saying “I win” over and over will make people mad also, but it’s borderline flaming.

Then there’s the nonsense.  The eggs.  Saying stuff that is so obviously off the wall that people just know its trolling and don’t even take it seriously.  Got a bro?  Fuck a thread up.  Moar mad.  Trolling is just awesome, period.  So am I.  I am so awesome right now, it’s like even more than usual.  Don’t you agree?  If you don’t you’re wrong, sorry.