Why The FR-BR-GT-POS-S-Z-86 sucks hard

The Toyobaru Whatever sucks.  Fact.  Nothing anybody can say will change this fact.  Why?  I’m going to tell you because you care about my opinion.  You like being mad.

So, why does it suck so hard?  Well, it’s expensive when they said it would be affordable.  It’s anemic when they said it would have power.  It’s fat when they said it would be light.  It’s everything they said it wouldn’t be.  And worst of all, it isn’t an affordable sports car.  It's not even a sports car.  It's a sporty coupe made for college age girls and fanboys.

I had the same problem with the 350Z came out.  Nissan said that when they released the new Z it would be a tribute to the original Z cars that were on the “S” chassis.  It would be an affordable car that the everyman could get on a middle class paycheck and enjoy and not be the uber expensive car that the Z32 300ZX Turbos turned into.  Well, guess what, THEY LIED!  The Z car came to market in 2003 with a BASE price of $26,000.  The 240Z came to market at $3,500 which is roughly $20,000 today.  People would be lining up for blocks to purchase a modern 240Z at $20,000.  The Z was not a modern version of the 240, it was a modern version of the 300ZX turbo with the bloated pricetag and all.  But hey, at least the Z was fast and sounded like sex.

Enter the FR-BR-GT-POS-S-Z-86.  It was Toyota’s attempt to recapture everything that was special about the Sprinter Trueno.  I have to admit that I like the Sprinter Trueno.  It is delightfully 80s and features one of those great things about the 80s that is missing from today, it wasn’t meant to be a sports car at all.  It was an accident.  It was an economy car with special suspension modification and a fancy engine.  A bunch of other, better engines just happen to fit in it as well.  For Japan, it was the perfect vehicle because they just don’t go that fast in Japan.  Every road has a curve.  They even had a communistic agreement to not build anything over 276 horsepower for a long time (although there was lots of lying).  Most of all, it became a cultural icon.  The Hachiroku was the ultimate affordable tuner vehicle and became an icon of drift along side Nissan’s Silvia coupe.  It’s natural for Toyota to want to capitalize on that level of fame.

So Toyota had Yamaha build them a hot four cylinder engine and put it in a shortened IS chassis and declared that they had regained their spark for sports cars correct?  NOPE!  Toyota decided to replace their cultural icon with something that was 99% engineered by a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT COMPANY while robbing a shitload of styling cues and the entire interior from the Mazda RX-8 and calling it an "eight six".  WHAT. THE.  FACK.  It would be like if Ford putting the Mustang name on an economy car and calling it Mustang II.  Oh wait…  It would be like GM deciding to bring back the GTO and having it completely built by Australians.  Oh wait…  And you know what happened when the GTO was built by Australians?  It was freaking awesome!  But GM fans hated it.  Why?  Because it was trampling on the legacy of a legendary vehicle.  It was rebadged and given the name of a legend just for sales.  But somehow the Toyboys not only accept that the Whatever tramples the legacy of the Hachiroku, they applaud it.  Although they mostly applaud it because what the hell else is Toyota building that they can applaud for?  The FR-BR-GT-POS-S-Z-86 is the automotive equivalent of Final Fantasy X-2, it's thinly veiled fan service wrapped in a layer of obnoxious cuteness.

But the worst offense that the Whatever commits is that it is just another reminder that affordable sports cars aren’t actually affordable at all; they aren’t built for the everyday Joe Blow like myself.  Those of us that don’t have six figure paychecks aren’t allowed to have a fast, sporty vehicle built for us.  We get underpowered junk and we’re told it’s “fun” and we still can’t afford it.  So no, I’m not going to slap my flippers together like a good little seal because Toyota managed to rebadge some Subaru junk and spit it out just because it’s a RWD coupe that doesn’t cost over $30,000.  Miata already did it.  RX-8 already did it.  350Z already did it.  Mustang already did it.  Camaro already did it.  Genesis already did it.  FR-BR-GT-POS-S-Z-86 is old news and frankly it’s pretty bad.