Stop Whining 2012

It’s been 12 years since I last told you to stop whining and you are whining even harder than before.  But I suppose it’s natural because you are all idiots.  So, STOP WHINING.

What will this generation be marked by?  Consumerism.  We buy stuff because we need to buy stuff and leverage our future against it.  We go to more expensive schools than we should that get more expensive because we go to them and leverage our future against them.  We buy houses that we can’t possibly afford using instruments of mass financial destruction and leverage our future against it.  And then we whine when everything falls apart.  Deal with it.

We “YOLO” because we can and screw up our future because DSSNFYLUL (Do stupid shit now fuck your life up later) doesn’t roll of the tongue quite as well.  But hey, it’s something else to whine about.  You’re 25, living in your parents house and with a bunch of student loans secured by the very house you live in, you’ve never worked a day in your life and have entitlement issues and wonder why you can’t find a job?  Stop whining.  You can’t find a job because you’ve never had a job and your mid 20s is a bit late to be finding a job.  School isn’t everything and grades fade away a scant few years after leaving school but never having a job is for life.  So 16 year olds, get a job and stop making your parents pay for everything.  If there wasn’t any child labor laws you would have been working since you were 8 like your parents.  And stop bitching about not having a childhood when you fuck without a condom and get knocked up.  Deal with it.

The iPhone 5?  Who the fuck cares?  You have an iPhone 4SPSGSXXXSSSXXSStypeR$ that you bought 15 seconds ago but dammit now there’s going to be iPhone 5?  PREORDER THAT SHIT.  You fucking idiot.  If I bought a computer every 6 months because they added a single feature or color you’d think I was an idiot too.  And it’s not just the iPhone, it’s any stupid “smartphone” which is ironically named because they are marketed to stupidpeople.  And they make them so easy to buy on credit too!  You’ll whine when you can’t make the payment too.  Deal with it.

You can’t sing.  No matter what you see on television or who you think you sound like you can’t sing.  Most of the people you see on television or hear on the radio can’t sing either.  They have electronic enhancements.  That means that you just need to look pretty or write lad lyrics about lost love and BAM you’re a star.  Of course the lyrics alone aren’t enough but sometimes they can get people to notice you in a month then a few days later “who the hell is Adele?”  LOL, Adele was kinda funny because here you have a somewhat unattractive overweight female that managed to actually get 15 minutes of fame.  And the fact that’s unusual these days is a fail itself.  But yeah, you can’t sing and 99% of the people that go on the 100 different singing reality TV shows can’t either.  Music sucks.  Deal with it.

Quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam quam eggs.  Deal with it.

Cars are boring and stupid.  It’s our own fault, we’ve wanted cars that were boring and stupid for a long time now.  They’re also way too expensive just like anything that we can buy on credit.  They also focus too damn much on MPGs which is funny because high MPGs are supposed to save us money but cost more money to get more of.  Biggest catch 22 ever.  Deal with it.

You are stupid.  Nothing you do will ever make you not stupid.

You are boring.  Nothing you do will ever make you not boring.

You are racist.  Nothing you do will ever make you not racist.

Deal with it.

Arguing about politics is the stupidest thing that a person can ever do.  Scratch that, arguing about religion is worse.  The person you vote for is no better than the person the other person votes for because deep down they serve the same master: money.  You also don’t have enough money and everyone else has too much of it.  You deserve their money.  Taking it either makes you a thief or a bank.  Technically they are the same thing, just one has more money.  Having enough money makes you immune to most all laws.  It also means you deserve more money.  Give me your money.  I deserve your money.  Deal with it.

The world is going to end in December, give me all your stuff.  Just kidding, it isn't.  Deal with it.

What is really blowing your mind right now is this whole thing is supposed to be telling you to stop whining when really it is just a giant whine.  I am not a hypocrite though, you are.  Deal with it.

And don’t forget to stop whining, dammit.

Bump chick chick bump chick fart.